Have you ever met someone and left thinking, “I don’t trust that person”?  That happened to me yesterday.  Here’s the scenario:

I walked up to a person at a conference and introduced myself.  I quickly learned that we work in similar fields, so I started up a conversation about that.  After a few minutes, I realized that the person was not sharing any information about her work beyond the basics, whereas I was sharing details of my day-to-day experiences on the job.  To make a long story short, the person did not reciprocate my level of sharing.  This left me with a feeling of distrust of that person.

My friend, Megan, always says, “Share and share alike!”  Usually, she is referring to the Snickers bar that I am holding, but it can also apply here.  “Share and share alike” is actually a great rule for trust-building in relationships.

It can be especially helpful to remember the rule when dealing with new relationships.

BUT…There is a point where you have to draw the line in the sand and stop sharing, and the difficult part of all this is that everyone draws that line in a different place.  This is evident by the way that different people approach blogging – some blog about intimate personal details while others stick to facts and figures.

The problem with these lines is that nobody knows where they are until they ask, and by then it’s probably too late anyway.  So what are we to do?

Well, firstly, it is ALWAYS a good idea to wait as long as possible to pass judgement on people.  This is also the most difficult rule-of-thumb to follow in the world.  First impressions mean the world to us humans, which isn’t always a good thing. 

Secondly, be flexible.  If someone is sharing less or more than you’d like, take note of that fact and respect that person’s shareability index.

So, can you handle that?  It’s a surprisingly tough row to hoe. 

photo credit: davef3138

Do you send emails without signing your name at the end?  When booking shows for my band, I have noticed that a lot of venues don’t have a name attached to their email addresses (example: booking@thebar.com).  To complicate the problem, whoever is sending/responding to emails does not include a name or signature at the end of her emails either.  In addition to being poor etiquette, this practice leads to confusion and a lack of trust (If they aren’t willing to share their name, can I trust them to pay me?).  So I don’t know if I’m talking to the owner, a volunteer, a friend of mine, or a professional booking agent that I have a professional relationship with.  As in any interaction, information about who I am talking to informs the way that I communicate.